The Misadventures of Weapons
by PlushyButtons
Summary: Before Skyward Sword, what had Fi and Ghirahim done? Follow us as we watch the crazy adventures the sword spirits did growing up before one plotted world domination while the other became an emotionless know-it-all. Warning: Well, Ghirahim's in here.
1. The Winged Fiend

**Chapter 1: The Winged Fiend**

"Fi. Fi. Hey, Fi, hey. Fi."

Fi groaned as she was awakened from her sleep. She rolled in the bed, her hand attempting to shut off the disturbance. Her hand met cold metal. Much to her dismay, the noise continued.

"Fiiiiiii. Hey, Fi. Hey, hey, pay attention to me. FI-!"

Her eyes shot open to an all-too-familiar face. Her friend, Ghirahim. His childish brown eyes stared back at her. Fi sat up in her bed, crossing her arms. She looked rather silly, despite trying to look serious. Ghirahim pointed to her window.

"There's something outside and it won't leave me alone." His mechanical voice echoed out of his hollow form. Fi cocked a brow and she walked to the window. Standing on her tippy toes, she looked up to see a horrible, digusting, viel creature. Its icy blue wings were large compared to its mangled furred body. Its eyes were wide. They took up most of its head in order to reflect the bodies of its victims. It was a freak of society. A new emotion set itself into Fi's mind: fear. She turned to her friend.

"It's a demon!" She whispered, hiding underneath the window. Fi began to notice that Ghirahim was beginning to program the emotion as well, but more dramatically so. He hid behind the bed, whispering back to her.

"Of course! I mean, look at it! It's all gross and stuff!" He whispered back. Fi nodded frantically.

"We have to kill it!" Fi stated. Ghirahim shot up. He gave a wide grin at the idea. He threw a fist in the air.

"Yeah!" He cheered. The two spirits in the body of children ran out the door and down the steps. The stairs were swirled and long, much to their dismay. You see, they were not used to their human forms yet, which made them poorly uncoordinated. This fact was proven once they began to fall down the many solid, rock-hard, painful flights of stairs. They stacked up on each other once at the bottom. Ghirahim sat up and eyed the weapon's room. He knew it was this room because of the large sign that read 'Don't Let Fi or Her Acquaintances In This Room.' How convenient.

Ghirahim scrambled up and ran to the doorknob. He jumped up, trying to reach, but alas, he was not tall enough. Suddenly, a hand hoisted him up by his leg. He started to frail around as he glared at the amber-eyed goddess.

"Release me!" He shouted. Din grinned, laughing.

"What are you doing here, shrimp?" She mocked. Ghirahim hissed for help, causing Fi to show herself. Din turned to her and let the boy fall to the floor.

"Hey, Fi! What'cha doing with this wimp?" Ghirahim brushed himself up and crossed his arms, muttering about how he hated Din. Fi looked up at the goddess.

"Ghirahim saw a demon." She said, "We're going kill it."

Din's eyes widened. "A demon? What'd it look like?"

Ghirahim stood up. "Blue wings and a furry body with RAZORS on its head!" Ghirahim explained, using his hands to demonstrate the razors. "And its eyes are big enough to trap its victims!" At this point, Ghirahim was shaking like a leaf. The Power Goddess cocked a brow before a wide grin spreading on her face.

"That demon? Oh, he's the worst! You shouldn't go out without the proper weapons!" Din went into the storage room. Ghirahim and Fi waited until she came back with two items. "Take these… swords. Heh, it is dangerous to go alone, after all!"

Ghirahim greedily took hold of his 'weapon.' It had a smooth, wooden hilt that stretched out, the metal in a circular shape with a netted hole connected. The two gawked at the swords. They never had seen these before. They must have been sacred.

"Just take a swipe at the b-demon, and it will trapped." The two smiled and dashed out into the world, leaving a laughing Din.

* * *

><p>"There it is." Ghirahim spoke in a hush voice, hiding behind a boulder. Fi put her hands on the rock. She was shaking in fear as she gripped the handle to her weapon. The feminine sword leaned towards her opposite.<p>

"O-On three." She stuttered. Ghirahim bent his legs, ready to jump as high as he could. Ghirahim insisted he could count. Fi allowed him so.

"One."

"Two."

"… Uh, Fi." Fi turned towards Ghirahim. He was looking at his fingers. "What comes after two?"

"Now!" Fi jumped, her weapon over her head. Ghirahim blinked, surprised she finished the countdown.

"O-Okay! One, two, NOW! GO!" He jumped as Fi landed. Her weapon missed the demon, who flew away at the sight of the two. Gravity did not like Ghirahim, so he fell on top of his friend. Fi gave out a groan as Ghirahim looked up. He jumped on her back.

"Attack!" He yelled. Fi grunted as the eight-year-old used her head as a launching board. They continued to chase the demon, swinging and smacking- on Ghirahim's part- at the monster. But alas, the monster could dodge every attack. Ghirahim became to feel outraged and growled, deciding to just throw his weapon at it. The weapon hit the Elder Kikiwi in the head. The animal turned around just as Ghirahim ran into him. His belly caused Ghirahim to fall on the cold hard ground.

"Boy that is no way to respect an elder." Ghirahim squeaked, apologizing repeatedly as he retrived his weapon.

"Sorry! Me and Fi are trying to slay a demon!" He yelled, running off. The elder stared at the fleeing child for a moment and blinked slowly. He sighed.

"Kids these days." He muttered.

Ghirahim sprinted after Fi. She was standing in place like a statue. He stopped in front of her. Her eyes were wide and her bottom lip was quivering. He gasped and placed both of his hands on his mouth.

"It brainwashed her!" He said. Fi slowly shook her head, and she pointed towards Floria Waterfall. The Anti-Master Sword turned and froze. The demon had an army. Everywhere were the demons, flying around and killing the poor plants' life source. The boy tensed as a demon came near them. Fi attempted to talk without moving.

"They can sense you if you move." She said. Ghirahim forced himself to remain still. The demon came closer. Ghirahim could feel the chill coming off their wings. His eyes searched for an exit. He mentally danced at the sight of the dragon Faron's home. His mental dance died when he realized they would have to run into demon territory. He snapped back into reality when something landed on his ear.

Ghirahim screamed.

"It wants to eat me!" Fi joined in and they quickly dashed straight into the territory, crying for help. The water dragon arose from the waterfall and growled.

"Children! Children! What is the meaning of this?" Smoke blew from her nostrils. Ghirahim and Fi looked like they were about to cry. Their voices broke at they pointed to the demons.

"T-Th-There's demons everywhere, Faron!" Ghirahim wept, a tear stinging his eye. Faron turned to the direction and looked a mix of emotions. She seemed to be amused, in disbelief, and annoyed. She sighed, turning back to the whimpering spirits.

"Those aren't demons." The two's eyes widened.

"But Din said-!" Fi was interrupted by Faron's chuckle.

"Ah, Din. Such the joker. They are called Blessed Butterflies. They are made by Nayru and completely harmless. In fact, they bring good luck at times."

The two spirits went silent, their tense bodies now loose and limp. Their eyes stared at the dragon's beady onyx ones before the longest moment of silence. If one were to see this, they would panic because they would believe they had been sealed in the Silent Realm. Finally, the two spoke.

"What!" They chorused. Ghirahim began ranting.

"I can't believe her! She's so mean! We thought they were monsters! So we've been actually running around like stupid people chasing them! I can't believe they made Fi scream like that!" Faron blinked.

"Fi's voice was second. I honestly thought the first was a maiden." Ghirahim fumed and began to stalk away.

* * *

><p>"Hello, Ghirahim." Demise grunted, halting his creation. "How was your day this time?<p>

"Awful." He pouted and sat on the rug. An eyeless critter with black fur and a wide set of fangs walked up to Ghirahim and fell on his lap. Demise looked at his creation hopefully. Was this the day Ghirahim would stop being friends with that holy sword, Fi? The day Ghirahim would stop being poisoning by the goddess's device into being… being good? Caring? Generous? He smiled.

"I tried to slay a demon." Ghirahim explained. Demise's hammer fell on the floor in shock. He roared.

"WHAT?"

"I tried to slay a demon, but it turned out to be a butterfly."

"… Go to bed, and think of what you have done."


	2. Slimly Revenge

**The Misadventures of Weapons**

**Chapter 2: Worms**

Ghirahim plopped his hands on his face, sighing as he watched the human children play. Demise had not wanted to hear Ghirahim's words on the matter of slaying a butterfly, or what he believed was a demon. Since Demise had not wanted to make Ghirahim deformed or dented, he did what any other adult would do and forced him to play damsel in distress. Or in Ghirahim's words, leave him alone to die. Again, the young humanoid gave another breathless groan.

"Shaaaaaadoooow!" He whined for the entire Surface to hear. A fellow servant of Demise came in, the monster trying his best not to throw the brat out the window. His hair was black and hid the right side of his face. He had ghostly pale skin and electric blue eyes. He was garbed in a black tunic, hat, leggings, boots, and an appalling belt if Ghirahim said so himself. Shadow glared.

"What do you want, toothpick?" He hissed at the younger vessel. Shadow was the evil spirit of the Chosen Hero, only his temporary body was two years older than Ghirahim's eight-year-old body. Ghirahim frowned and laid flat on the bed.

"I'm boooored," He drowned. Shadow flipped the hair out of his eyes.

"Then go outside, genius."

"Demise said nooooo." He pouted, looking at Shadow. The dark spirit's eyes lit up. Shadow had an endless hatred to Demise that only Ghirahim knew of. He only stayed because he needed a place and slightly cared about Ghirahim. Being the other side of the Hero, Shadow and others had assumed Ghirahim was his to wield. Unfortunately, Shadow had been utterly owned by Demise in one stroke. Seriously, the guy got owned so bad he was thrown off the highest tower. And they were fighting on the ground.

"I have a secret passage outside." Shadow whispered. "But you can't tell Debbie." Ghirahim smiled and jumped onto Shadow's back.

"Move it, hero!" Shadow grumbled something and began to trek up the flight of endless stairs. Well, it seemed endless with Ghirahim's secretly metal body murdering his back and the constant whining get time Shadow's energy got the best of him. Finally, after much complaining on Ghirahim's part and dragging the boy up, they made it to the tower. Shadow seemed to light up in his thoughts.

"There's something up here that will let you fly, Ghira!" Ghirahim's eyes widened.

"Fly! I want to fly!" Shadow snickered and nodded. The dark creature went over to a barrel without a lid and a catapult. Ghirahim blinked and cocked his head. "How's a barrel going to help me fly?" Shadow chuckled.

"It's a magical barrel. Now get in!" Ghirahim, being naïve with curiosity, ran over and threw himself in. He smiled. He was going to be able to fly! He could get out. The sword spirit jumped as he was dropped onto a new platform. But before he could look out, the lid was closed. Brown eyes widened in realization.

"3"

The rainbows in his heart dried up and broke into pieces.

"2"

Ghirahim began to get sulky.

"1~!"

There were frowns all around. Finally, the rope was cut and Ghirahim went soaring. He screamed louder and higher than he ever had as the barrel flew through the air. Shadow laughed wildly, along with goblins guarding fellow towers. Shadow stopped as Ghirahim hit a tree.

"Nice shot!"

"Right where we wanted!"

"LET'S GO CELEBRATE!" Shadow's eye twitched. Demise was going to kill him. Again.

"SHADOW!"

XXXXXXX

Fi sighed as she poked a small twig in the lake. She hadn't gotten in trouble, but it was lonely without Ghirahim and his random outbursts. The sword spirit pouted, thinking about how boring it would be to be sealed years and years. 'Early bedtime…' She frowned, until she heard screaming. The girl looked up as she heard two thuds: one high, one on the ground.

"… OW!" Fi instantly recognized the voice and ran towards the painful groans. In the bushes, surrounded by barrel leftovers, was Ghirahim with his feet in the air. The girl quickly plucked a heart and helped her friend up. "Your health is bad." She noted. Ghirahim blinked, regaining his vision.

"Hiiii, Fi~!" He smiled, stealing the heart greedily and eating it quickly as if only touching it made him feel better. Judging by how cheery he seemed Fi assumed he landed on his head.

"What happened?" She inquired, trying to find any injuries. Ghirahim frowned.

"That self-serving dog Shadow threw me off the tower." He pouted, and then smiled quickly. "But I'm better now! Nothing can stop Ghirahim!"

The two quickly found their way out of the forest and into the human villages. Frequently, they would visit and be surrounded by mothers. Apparently white and blue hair wasn't common and they found that how protective they were of each other was "adorable". It caused a few boys to go up to Fi and tried to steal her from Ghirahim to see his reaction. All stopped after the first try expect for a boy named Dorf and his cronies, Ant and Vatei.

Ant was a boy with orange amber hair and glowing golden eyes that were crossed. He was a bit wacky in his head, believing Gannon was the male Din or something insane like that. Vatei was a boy with red eyes and gray skin and hair pass his hair. If anyone predicted his future, he would be a womanizer. And Dorf, oh Dorf, he was the worst. His hair stood up as red triangles to the sun and his skin was extremely dark. He had this tendency to act tough and tries to discriminate Ghirahim, but is found to stutter in Fi's presence.

"Oh, his hair is so soft." Ghirahim's eye twitched when a hand came down to mess up his hair. He was told to be very prideful of his looks and was becoming a bit self-loving because of it. One of his policies as King that he held in mind was if you touched his hair, you die first. Ghirahim tried to focus on something else and found the hand removed itself when a girl screamed. Fi turned her attention to the screaming girl flailing her arms around as if a ReDead Bokoblin had her. A boy laughed loudly, something slimly and small in his hands. Fi looked a bit disgusted at it while Ghirahim nudged her shoulder.

"What's that?"

"A worm." She gagged a bit. One of the worst creations Nayru made –besides butterflies- were worms. Sure, they helped fixed gardens and such, but couldn't she make them a bit easier to look at?

"Are they worse than butterflies?" He asked. Fi nodded. "They get married a lot, I think. They have a lot of them." Ghirahim made a face at the idea of marriage. It was gross to him. He had seen how married girls react, all duck-faced and very heavy makeup, he did not need to see how the men reacted to it. Most of the ones he saw became bald and fat. Ghirahim secretly believes that Demise used to be married because he was heavy.

"Hey!" A voice called. Before the two could react, Fi let out a scream. Ghirahim looked up to see Ant running away with a bucket of the creatures, chanting 'sacrifice' over and over. Fi began to do the very same dance the other victim had done: squirm and twirl while jumping up and down. Quickly, one of the admirers over to help get the worm out off Fi's dress. "Are you okay, darling?" Fi nodded as the woman lead her to her home to fix her now dirty dress.

Ghirahim tugged at a woman's dress. "Excuse me, ma'am." The woman squealed at his young face. His hair was fluffy and as white as snow like a lamb's. His wide chocolate eyes resembled a puppy's and he held a pout on his white lips.

"Where does Ant live?" Possessed by utter cuteness, the woman began to blabber away, not caring that would send Ant to a world of slime and torment for as long as he lived. "Oh…"

[Her rambling was taken out because it was too long and unimportant.]

"Thank you."

That night, it was quiet and still. The stars had fallen asleep with the moon, blinking out of existence. The Kikiwi sang a slumbering melody as the bird cuddled in their family nest. Yes, all was peaceful that even Demise's Castle had slept in their respected beds that night. Well, it was peaceful while it lasted.

"AAAEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEKKKKKKK! GANONDORF! I'M BEING ATTACKED!" A boy screamed to the top of his lungs, running around the village like a psychopath. His feet quickly ran to the door of Dorf's home. Soon, torches were lit to see what the havoc was, shaking their heads at the scene. A woman near Ant's home looked around, forgetting the question the cute albino had asked as a bystander asked if she knew why there were so many worms in the Twili household.

"I have no idea…"

This was the first time Ghirahim had caused distress to people. And he loved it.

**TNTkitten**

**Yes, there shall be more. As long as Zelda lives on, I shall torment the characters!**

**Leva114**

**Confused? About some grammar errors or the concept of Ghirahim and Fi being friends? Or something else?**

**ZeldaRubix**

**I hope I continue. I was afraid that Ghirahim chasing a demonic butterfly would be out of character.**


	3. Impa the Puppy Dog

**The Misadventures of Weapons**

**Chapter 3: Impa the Puppy Dog**

* * *

><p>"Fi! Come down here! We have a surprise for you!" Fi rubbed her eyes as she awoke. Her blue eyes blinked a few times until she was fully awake. The small child walked down the flight of stairs, stumbling once on her baggy sleeves that reached to her knees. The sword spirit finally made her way to Hylia, who was smiling widely. Fi looked up at the blond goddess.<p>

"Yeah?" She asked. Hylia's smile widened.

"Meet your new guard, Impa!" A small boy walked from behind Hylia. A mask of some sort covered his face and his blond hair was messy and braided. He had piercing red eyes and eye marking on his visible face. He wore a blue tunic, orange belt, and blue pants rimmed in gold tucked into blue-and-red sandals. Fi tilted her head.

"Isn't Impa a girl's name?" Hylia blinked at her weapon, shocked. The boy named Impa glared. Hylia turned to the Sheikah warrior and then her weapon, vise-versa. Finally, the blond clapped her hands together and laughed.

"Off you go! I want you to show Impa the routes around. I wouldn't want Impa to get lost in the woods alone." Fi nodded and grabbed a bandaged hand with her hidden hand. Impa turned to Hylia and sighed, walking behind the sword spirit. After they were a good measure away, Impa spoke.

"I know my way around." She said. Fi shook her head. "We're going through the forest. I want you to meet one of my friends. He lives with one of Hylia's rivals or something." Impa looked shocked and tensed.

"H-H-He's an enemy!" She exclaimed, her hand pulling out a dagger on instinct. Fi shook her head again. "No, he lives with his master, who's a rival. He's really friendly. Just don't mess up his hair." Impa stared at Fi for a moment, but finally complied. However, the Sheikah never lost her tenseness of the situation. Was Hylia's blade insane or something?

"Ghirahim!" Impa jumped at the name. _'Ghirahim? That sounds like a basic villain name!'_ She thought. _'I must stop him at any cost!'_ Soon, a small figure poked his head out the window and Impa was dumbfounded. _'What is he…?'_

"Hi Fi~!" He didn't even sound demonic. He sounded… girly? No, just high-pitched. The boy closed the window and soon rushed out the grand doors of the tower. He wore a white shirt with red patches on the shoulders and a golden crest. Underneath the shirt was a gray long sleeve with diamond-printed up to his hands, where there were black diamonds on the back of his hands. He had spiked dog collars on his wrists and neck, also wearing long red pants that hid his feet. His eyes were large and brown like chocolate, looking dark with his snowy hair. He smiled at his friend and then turned to Impa. His expression was a pout.

"Who's this?" He asked. Fi laughed. "This is Impa! She's new!" Ghirahim stared into Impa's red eyes for a moment. Impa stared back. Ghirahim crossed his arms and pouted.

"You're replacing me!" He shouted. Impa and Fi looked at each other. Replace?

"Ghirahim, Fi didn't say you were being replace…" Impa jumped and screamed as a bolt of gold hit her. A puff of smoke came from her and she gasped that she was alive. When the smoke cleared, she screamed. Ghirahim and Fi were giants! The two looked down at her, Fi in terror, while Ghirhaim looked confused.

"Ghirahim…" Fi's voice wavered. "What happened to Impa…?"

"… I think Impa's a dog…" Impa's eyes widened and she looked down. Her clothes were around her neck, but larger. She barked and barked at her new form. A puppy. Ghirahim continued to stare, crouching down to poke her black wet nose.

"… Can I keep her?"

* * *

><p><strong>ButterflyBabyBlue<strong>

**Thank you, BBB.**

**Leva114**

**This was before the Great War between Demise and Hylia. The two are rivals at the moment, but Hylia doesn't want to start anything big just yet. The two are children because the rivals want to see how their sword spirits would grow up in humanoid forms: would they become enemies or would they join forces? Hylia's plan was to let the two join forces so the War wouldn't happen as badly as it did, while Demise wants Ghirahim to have a furious hatred towards Fi. They're friends because they were made on the same day and have known each other for all their lives with the understanding of being a sword spirit. And its fun to see Demise go into a horrible rage because Ghirahim held Fi's hand...**


	4. Ghira Wonka

**The Misadventures of Weapons**

**Chapter 4: Ghira Wonka**

**WARNING: I DID NOT MAKE THE LYRICS TO FI'S THEME! THEY WERE MADE BY SOMEONE ON DEVIANTART NAMED MUDORA!**

* * *

><p><em>"Oh, hero,<em>

_You will do great things,_

_Indeed._

_Listen to me,_

_And you'll always be_

_Unafraid._

_Hero, destiny_

_Will guide you_

_Forever more._

_Darkening skies,_

_It's your life to live."_

Nine-year-old Ghirahim looked up, both eyes visible. He ignored the lack of hair hiding his eyes. Each human year, Ghirahim's humanoid form would develop a full year, and Demise would drag him into the dungeons where no one could hear him scream and cut his hair. The Anti-Master Sword looked at Fi, noticing the small singing was coming from her as the lyrics repeated.

_"Please, never fear,_

_I'll be right here,_

_By your side…_

_In the future,_

_Your descendant will be my…_

_My masters,_

_Just as you have been_

_All these days_

_Darkening skies,_

_It's you life to live"_

Before she repeated the lyrics once more, Ghirahim spoke up. "What are you singing?"

"The theme song Hylia gave me." Fi answered. Ghirahim's eyes widened and he jumped up on his stubby legs. He couldn't believe his ears. Fi had a theme song? "Your Master gave you a theme song?" Fi nodded.

Ghirahim pouted. "But Master didn't give me a theme song!" Despite Ghirahim's disappointment, Fi grinned and a twinkle appeared into her eye. The sword spirit looked up and narrowed his brown eyes. How dare she gloat about her master giving her a theme song! Why, he should just-

"Let's make you one!" She exclaimed. Ghirahim slammed his hands down on the log in front of him and grinned. Make his own theme song? That was far better than getting one from his Master! It meant he had freedom and she didn't! Ghirahim thought about that this could somehow get Fi to go to the dark side by having made his own theme song without his Master's orders. He nodded his white-haired head up and down.

"Okay!" Fi laughed, snapping her fingers. A quill and parchment appeared on the log and Ghirahim grabbed the quill greedily. The sword spirit then went into his thinking position. A Kikiwi could be heard hiding in the distance. After five minutes, Fi had fallen asleep.

* * *

><p><em>"Fi…" Her love interest, a tall slim man covered in diamond cutouts, extended his gloved hand out to her slim, tender, yet dexterous left hand that held a wedding ring on her index finger to hide a small blue diamond marking. She shifted her weight to her weight to her front stiletto adorned foot. This caused her flowing crystal blue hair to ripple and her upper body to shift ever so slightly. His chest barely touched the clothes covering hers, a beautiful, elegant dress that floated and twirled. Her heart-shaped face gained a slight bit of a blush and they leaned in to…<em>

* * *

><p>"I GOT IT!" Fi jumped as she heard the eruption escape Ghirahim's vocal cords. She opened her eyes to see Ghirahim smiling and dancing around in a circle with a rolled-up scroll in his hand. She smiled and looked over his shoulder as he calmed. Fi couldn't help but start dancing as well.<p>

Demise was in his evil lair doing evil lair things. He grinned at his newest plan: to rid his last name. The surname would destroy his villain demeanor and make him a laughingstock. The Demon King sighed in relief as he poured out the potion from the large pot into a bottle. Now he just needed to invite Hylia over somehow and tell Ghirahim not to say his last…

_"Ghira Wonka, Ghira Wonka..._  
><em>The Amazing Chocolatier.<em>  
><em>Ghira Wonka, Ghira Wonka...<em>  
><em>Everybody give a cheer!<em>

_He's modest, clever, and so smart,_  
><em>He barely can restrain it.<em>  
><em>With so much generosity,<em>  
><em>There is no way to contain it...<em>  
><em>To contain...to contain...to contain...to contain."<em>

Demise's jaw dropped as he heard a very, very happy tune echo throughout the castle and the sound of strange chipmunk-like children cheering and laughing. To make it worse, a few servant were looking in while Shadow was snickering and pointing. The horrid singing started again.

_"Ghira Wonka, Ghira Wonka..._

_He's the one that you're about to meet._  
><em>Ghira Wonka, Ghira Wonka...<em>  
><em>He's a genius who just can't be beat.<em>  
><em>The magician and the chocolate wiz...<em>  
><em>He's the best darn guy who ever lived.<em>  
><em>Ghira Wonka here he is!"<em>

Ghirahim slid into the lair, a smile on his face. His wide innocent eyes looked at Demise and he began jumping up and down. "I made myself a theme song, Master! See! I used my name and your last name to make an evil song! Isn't it great?"

"Ghirahim, if you ever say my surname ever again, I will disown you."

That is why Ghirahim has no family and why he and his Master remind me of chocolate.

**I'm sorry, readers that this took forever. My laptop broke and we had to fix it, but we're poor. So, my dad fixed it after 25028530435 tries! I was going to make a Birthday chapter, but I beat Skyward Sword on St. Patty's Day (which is epic because I'm part Irish) and Ghirahim reminds me of chocolate. Also, my hatred to Demise has increased. HE'S A PEDO, I SAY! **

**Anyway, I need ideas for the next chapters. THIS IS YOUR CHANCE, SWORDSHIPPERS! I'M DOING A COLLAB WITH KYLAN AND IT HAS A PREGNANT GHIRAHIM AND A PANCIKING FI! Just no yaoi, because Ghirahim is... genderless... **

**Voice inside Wolfie's head: YOU KNOW THE REAL REASON WHY! THE YAOI IS EVIL! THE YAOI IS EVIL! NAHAHA! **

**I need sleep. **


	5. Apology

Demise smiled with bliss at the new morning. Nothing was as perfect as these past two months. The birds were shrieking, the plants were dying. Nothing was better for the villain! However, he felt as though he had forgotten something important. Shrugging the feeling off once more, the scaly fiend got out of his broken bed and walked down the castle's hallways. He had decided to make a daily routine of things to do since the first month of peace. Checking the mental note, he remembered that a feast of a breakfast was waiting for him after a dip into a hot tub.

[Wolfe had decided that this passage was too disturbing to write, so the story shall skip to keep whatever clean minds are left in this world.]

Demise sank into the hot tub, sighing. After a moment of smiling in silence, the bubbles began to form, and the toys floated on top of the water. The duck squeaked before exploding. Ah yes, what a relaxing place this was. However, before he could start the ritual of a ducks versus ships war, the door had been sent out the window. A very angry (and scary) woman stood in its place.

"DEMISE!" Hylia shrieked, stomping into the bathroom. Demise screamed like a little girl and covered himself, even though he did have bubbles. The goddess blew smoke out of her nostrils and grabbed him by the scaled neck. "WHERE IS MY FI?"

"What?"

"FI! You overweighed crocodile!" She screamed. Demise gasped at her exclaiming statement. "Are you calling me fat!" He placed a paw on his chest, offended by him called something underneath his actual weight. Hylia sighed and blinked, calming herself. She was the good one; not the bad ugly demon ruler.

"… Fi and Ghirahim are missing." She said. Demise sat in the bathtub as she walked out, telling him to hurry up and help her find them. A bubble appeared and then popped.

_Do you recognize these lyrics?_

_Well duh!_

_Why?_

_'Cause it's the mother duck of Legend of Zelda!_

_Here we go now!_

_They're old people and kids are their slaves_

_Take this it's dangerous to go alone_

_Now journey across a spooky land_

_You are trying to find two swords that like diamonds_

_Won't you feel like a man, getting beat by Peter Pan_

_On a quest greater than your dreams!_

_Than your dreams, than your dreams, fleemy geemy deemy!_

_Go, Hy, from here to over there,_

_They'll find Ghira's lair,_

_C'mon it's your Pokemon destiny!_

_Trust the wimp inside, but if you're terrified,_

_Purchase the walkthrough from MAH_

_(Fourteen dollars, I'm good-looking, here ya go now)_

_Impa is helpless and a dog, but mostly she's hoootttt (No.)_

_So hurry!_

_Just steady the course,_

_Go find those Swords_

_Then take them by force!_

_Any maybe they'll steal your cane, Elzo's cane, Elzo's cane,_

_Rang-a-dang-a-lang-a_

_Go, guys! Pull your pants on!_

_Seek out Swords!_

_Go invade their hiding arcade!_

_Stick your trap and save the maid and_

_You just might get…_

Demise tripped. He fell and his weight cause a crack to appear in the Earth. Hylia sighed and looked at the object. A mushroom. A sobbing mushroom. Hylia pushed the mushroom to the side to see a scene that made her almost fall from it being oh so pathetic.

Ghirahim and Fi were behind the mushroom, sobbing and crying. Ghirahim was in a curled up position with his arms wrapped around his knees. He rocked back and forth on his side, his eye twitching. Fi was rocking back and forth on her bottom, a pencil and paper stuck in her head. A pair of glasses was on both of their noses as they muttered something inaudible. Finally, they said the most horrid thing known to Man and Beast alike.

"Final exams…"

**[This is where Wolfe apologizes for having the fear of what grades you get on finals that it affects you until you know what they are.]**


	6. Waiting

It was a peaceful, quiet night. The three parts of the early world were calm with the tiniest of sounds. If you listened quietly enough you could hear the rumbles of the Kikiwi Elder and the tiny snores of his little Kikiwi followers. The forest that held a golden glow in its daytime with the light reflecting off of the green and blues, it held an aura of blue nd mystery. In the spreading desert, the robotic lights had caused the sky to light up the sky with laser beam white. And finally, the fiery flames and lavas of Eldin had seemed to be very weak nightlights in comparision to the stars.

Fi looked up at the stary night sky, the moon's light reflecting its natural brightness. She stared up at the moon's face and smiled. The night seemed to be longer than the days during the previous days of the week, but now it seemed this night could be the shortest of them all. The tiny sword spirit didn't mind at all, though. She held a smile on her face, awaiting the last hours of the day to arrive.

It didn't matter to her how short her week's fun had been so her in the parts of her selfish mind. It didn't matter how hard she would have to work. It didn't matter how long she had to work there. It didn't matter how far she would be away from home. What did matter was who and what she was working for and why.

This might have been a short moment in her life, but it didn't matter. In this time, it was the longest process of thoughts so far in her life.

* * *

><p><em><strong>"Childhood cancer impacts everyone in the family. Understandably, the child with cancer most often becomes the focus of concern, often leaving the siblings feeling lonely, insecure and left out. The Lighthouse program offers special attention for every member of the family – moms, dads, siblings, and the child with cancer."<strong>_

_**- Lighthouse Family Retreat**_

**IMPORTANT QUESTION ZELDA NERD TIME! **

** If you were a kid with cancer, what Zelda songs would you want to hear on the ocarina? **

**I'M LEAVING TOMORROW, I NEED A LIST! **


	7. The Remlit Demon

**Misadventures of Weapons**

**Chapter 7**

**The Remlit Demon**

* * *

><p>"Mas-taaaaaaaaaaaahhh!" Ghirahim sang in his small voice, spinning and twirling around in the air as he skipped merrily to his new spot on the floor. The face of the metallic body looked up into golden eyes and placed a bright smile on his face. Demon King Demise looked back down into bronze-colored eyes and gave a devil's grin. The tiny sword spirit began to search for the hands behind the Demon King's back.<p>

"What's that, Master?" He asked, hopping up and down. "What are you hiding?"

Demise gave his low, deep chuckle. "I remember that I had promised you a gift," He began. "And after hearing your… interesting song, I had found the perfect gift to the regular reason and the newest."

Ghirahim greedily snatched the box from Demise's large scaly claws and began opening the chest. Demise's eyes gleamed with mischief and vengeance as the child was blinded by the mysterious gift. Oh, what a wonderful, awful idea from a wonderful, awful person. Ghirahim smiled and gasped, holding up the gift: a Remlit kitten. The Remlit yawned and opened its eyes, meowing quietly. It waved its tail and licked the child's face. Ghirahim's eyes doubled their size and squealed.

"Thank you, Master! He's so perfect!" The youngling squeezed his Master's waist, the Remlit jumping to Ghirahim's albino head before Ghirahim let him fall to his death. It took full willpower for the scaly fiend not to cry when he heard a crack. Demise let out a pained gasp. "Yeah…! It's fabulous!"

Ghirahim let him go to hold the Remlit, letting Demise give out a loud breath of life. Ghirahim smiled. "I'm going to name him the perfect name for his personality!" He declared. "I can't wait to show Fi tonight!"

Demise stopped his breaths to stop and grin at the last statement as the Anti-Sword ran off with the ticking time bomb of split personality. A punished servant and a dead enemy? The Demon King chuckled. The bone-breaking hug of doom was worth it.

_**Transition! -**_

"Shaaadddooowwww~!" Shadow turned around and gave Ghirahim a stare. The dark version craned his neck and narrowed his eyes at Fi. The little ball of dark energy seemed to ignore Shadow's attitude as he crushed the girl's hand. He smiled wide and introduced the fellow young others. "This is FI! She's a sword spirit like me! And this is my Remlit, Angel!"

Shadow rose one brow, studying the trio for a slight moment. Soon, the teenaged side got the best of him and he smirked, crossing his arms. "Angel? Do you know what that thing turns into?" Ghirahim frowned.

"Don't insult Angel!" Shadow snickered and poked his chest, causing him to stumble backwards. "Whatever, little it. Just don't come crying to me when you and your it-friend get mauled." Ghirahim frowned and huffed marching away with Fi and Angel by his sides.

"Here, Angel!" He yelled placing the anima on the throne chair. Fi blinked and turned to meet a bowl of unhealthy food. Blue mints in a bowl of chocolate liquid. When she looked at him, she noticed Ghirahim's body began to glow and sparkle. Apparently, he noticed her questionability in his own flamboyant way. "I made chocolate for all of us!"

For hours, the trio ate the treats from the royal kitchen's safes and played in the deathly hallows- I mean, dungeons, alarming the Poes and Silent Ream Guardians as they thought it would be funny to mess with them. They had a simply stunning time until the nightfall. The break of Angel's… angel.

"Goodnight, Angel." Ghirahim said as Angel curled up on the pillow next to him on his king-sized bed. He stretched and turned to Imprisoned's bed. "Goodnight, Imprisoned. Fi." Fi tensed up and her eyes turned to a wide set of fangs drooling over her fake flesh. She was too frightened to say a goodnight back to Ghirahim, so she just stared up at the ceiling, hoping the lights won't turn off.

All light had died out as she begged for them not to leave her.

_**Transition! -**_

Daaaaa Dun

Fi's eyes flashed open. It was as dark as the deepest of waters. She looked around, her eyes moving and her body frozen. The Imprisoned was sound asleep next to her with its back to her. Finally, after minutes of calming herself down, she went back to asleep. Or at least when the music died down.

Daaaaaaaaaa Dun …

Fi snapped her eyes open with her eyes more deranged and terrified. It now seemed that she were actually in the deep waters. Now, in the senses of dangers, she sat straight up and looked at Ghirahim's bed. As she noticed Angel was gone, there was a hiss.

Daaaaaaa Dun!

"Ghirahim!" Fi whispered.

Dadadada daaaaaa…

Ghirahim stirred from his sleep and turned to her drowsily. "What… I-?" Fi interrupted his grumbles as she stared at something across from his bed.

"Look out!"

Dadadadadadadadadadadada DA! …

_(On the other side of the castle)_

Demise was sleeping peacefully with his teddy Kikiwi made out of real Kikiwi fur. He kept the toy in his pink-clothed arms. Nothing would be better with his lovely dreams, until he was erupted by one sound.

"AAAAAHHH! DEMON ANGEL!"

Ah, this was perfect.

* * *

><p><strong>Any more request for chapter ideas?<strong>


	8. Paint Scratches

The Misadventures of Weapons: Rust Eye

Ghirahim, the Weapon of Demise, felt soundly in his bed far, far away from the Remlit known as Angel. He couldn't believe that a pet so fluffy and harmless could become so awful and rabid. But what tore the poor child's heart out was Demise had known of the feline lemur's terrible power. In fact, Demise even did the worst type of abuse Ghirahim had ever endured in the past week from Demise: point and laugh. It was so painful that Ghirahim turned around and ran away with water flowing from his eyes.

Thanks to Demise, he now had rust eye.

Rust eye is a swelling inflammation or infection of the membrane lining the eyelids. It is caused by the allergy to water exposure or rarely old age. No, this is not similar to pink eye since the way to get rid of it is much different from squirting soap in your eye. In order to get rid of the rusty material, you must either paint on sand or scrape it away. We all know who had to do that job.

After the death of fifty bokoblins, of course.

"Ghirahim!" Shadow yelled. "Stop crying! You're making it worse!" But that did not stop the almost blind blade. He screamed and screamed that it could have started an earthquake told for generations and generations until the next game when everyone forgets most of the plot unless a sequel.

"Noooo!" Ghirahim bawled. "It's gonna hurt! It's going to pull off my eyelids and my eyes will roll out! What if Demise can't make another pair of eyes. What if I have to have different eyes? I don't want my eyes to fall out like-,"

"You're done." Shadow said blankly. Ghirahim opened his eyes and gasped. "I still have eyes! I'm not blind!" He cheered. Shadow rolled his eyes before noticing something. Ghirahim had marks around his eyes, the kind of marks you wouldn't want to cause on someone else's property. Scratches.

Shadow Link's heart nearly stopped. He had scratched the human paint off of Ghirahim's eyes. He had utterly ruined the Anti-Master Sword. He had harmed Demise's weapon that was required to be left unharmed unless it was his head. If it was his brain, Shadow would be calm, but his eyes… Shadow began to imagine the worst.

_**The Chosen Hero looked up in fear as a shadow engulfed the Demon Lord Ghirahim. As soon as the albino gave a shriek, the ground on which they stood on glowed and lifted them to the air. It was like an earthquake, shaking and loud as the Hero tried to keep himself on his feet. After what was one of the longest seconds of his life, it stopped and so did the shadows. He was frozen in fear at the sight of what Ghirahim had become. **_

_**He was not human at all. He was black and his reflection shone in a pattern that was never-ending on his body. His fingers were like claws and he was basically muscle. Instead of human teeth, he had a set full of fangs ready to eat flesh. And his eyes… **_

_**The Hero could help but laugh. They were scratched like the paint off of a house and looked so laughable on a humanoid. Even Fi, someone whom had been a friend to Ghirahim, couldn't help but laugh hard and loud. Ghirahim's eyes widened, which caused great pain. He shrieked and cupped his eyes, stepping backwards. At that moment, he fell to his doom and went SLAPT! **_

"Ghirahim!" Shadow Link said. "I'm not that finished yet!" When Shadow Link said he wasn't finished, Ghirahim covered his eyes and drew in a loud breath. Shadow's eyes widened and he shook his hands in fear. "No, no, no! Not that! I need to… uh…" He attempted to say the right words. "Give your eyes an over paint so… they won't rust again!"

Ghirahim blinked and looked Shadow Link. Why on Earth would Ghirahim want to be painted on? It was paint at all… "Do you mean makeup?" Ghirahim asked. Shadow cringed.

"Er… do you want… it to be makeup?" Shadow asked slowly.

"Yes. Yes, I do."

If this wasn't serious, Shadow would inform Demise his weapon had been influenced by Bad Lady Gagamance. "O… kay. It's makeup."

For once, Shadow was grateful he could be something everyone ignored. If he was something no one ignored, he would be laughed at for stealing lady's makeup. Shadow sighed in relief and opened the makeup of 100 tons. "Pick a color for… eyeliner?" Shadow guessed at the name. Ghirahim sat quietly on his bed side, anayzling the colors in his head and the colors he was commented on the most. He remembered wearing purple once and barging into Demise's meeting.

_Ghirahim knocked on the large door before it had fallen from the impact of sheer metal. Every adult's head turned to the small creature. Demise was at the end of the table on the other side of the room. Demise grinned at his new creation's outstanding power. Without even a problem or effort, he had broken the priceless, ancient door. _

"_Everyone," Demise stood, "This is my new weapon, Dark." _

_A few of the lady demons leaned closer to look at the humanoid that seemed to be a young man's age. He had long silver hair that went to his neck and his bangs were swept to the side. He was covered in black and the only thing different was his blank white eyes. He wore a torn dark violet vest the stopped above his abs and pants that were ripped to look like a criss-cross style. A few of the females winked._

"_Dark," The sword spirit looked at his Master, "what do you need?" _

"_I forgot how to breathe." He said, before falling over from lack of air. The room became filled with low chuckles and feminine giggles. Demise sighed and rubbed his temples._

_Demise quickly got the attention of the room. "Change of name, he is now Ghirahim." _

"_He's named after meee!" Bad Lady Gagamance cheered._

"Purple." Ghirahim declared. "Violet." Shadow rolled his eyes but complied. He had no problem humiliating Ghirahim into makeup since it wouldn't be him, but he was annoyed that Ghirahim didn't mind a pencil dangerously close to his eyes. So he decided to take revenge by adding extra material to his face, unneeded or not.

**Transition! **

Ghirahim turned the knob of the priceless replacement door, causing it to rise in the air. Every adult's head turned to the small creature as they felt a strange déjà vu. Demise was at the end of the table on the other side of the room. Demise frowned at his creation's prescene in fear of something awful happening.

"Everyone," Demise stood, "This is my weapon, Ghirahim. You might remember him from when he was in his first form, but this is his real age as a human."

A few of the lady demons began to become sad and was heart broken. He wasn't as old as they thought he was, meaning that none of them could have a relationship with him. Well, they couldn't exactly see his face with the door hiding his body, but they knew he was a child. In the silence, a female cried like a banshee and phased through the wall.

"Ghirahim," Demise growled, "what do you want?"

"Look! Look! I got repainted!" The door was thrown aside and onto a poor minion. As the room saw Ghirahim's face, they couldn't help but gasp. He had on the most feminine things in the Dark World and Light World. His eyes were lined with very much purple eyeliner and a faint shadow on his eyelids. His lips were now very white, whiter than his own skin, and he now wore blue diamond earrings. It was so shocking, so awful, so terrible, so-

Everyone couldn't help but laugh.

"He has my name and my fabulous style!" Bad Lady Gagamance cheered once more, dancing very not normal. To her joy, Ghirahim clapped his hands, squealed, and danced along. Demise, embarrassed that he had made such a thing, lowered his head and covered his flaming head. He didn't even care about the 3rd Degree burns he had gotten.

'At least Bad Lady Gagamance isn't-,'

"Ooooooooh OHHHHHH!"

'_I stand corrected.'_


	9. All Aboard the Shipping Ship

**The Misadventure of Weapons**

_**"All aboard the Cracking Ship"**_

**Author's Note: Sorry for the longest wait in the world ever. I had several types of sickness. And midterms. …All at the same time. It was delightfully painful! I now apologize with the most fandom-based chapter ever: Shipping.**

**Enjoy if your eyes don't burn.**

**I actually own the Master Sword. It's in my room**

* * *

><p>"Master, where are we going? You said I wasn't allowed outside at this time of twilight." The young sword spirit said, as he used his free hand to point at the falling sunset. The Demon King narrowed his eyes at the sunset as he answered with a nod. "Yes, yes I did." Demise always felt there was something bad about twilight. Well, two things bad about thing. He felt as though there was a horrible portal connecting to a different world filled with crazy creatures to be overly annoying, overly annoying than Ghirahim even in all his mighty ferocity. Also, Demise knew that one day, ONE DAY, a horrible book would be published under the name of "twilight". But no one really believed him…<p>

As Demise grew deeper into the depths of his insane theories, Ghirahim latched onto his hand as the tiny immortal skipped over pebbles and the occasional puddle. As he skipped, he furthered into the sources of water. From puddles, there became small creeks, and from creeks, there became streams, and from streams, there became rivers. And as Ghirahim became wearily of evading rust, he became face to face with waterfalls as far as the eye could see. Fear and bewilderment overcame him.

"Master! Why are we near water?" He asked. Demise looked down to Ghirahim and spoke: "If you must know, Hylia had proposed we make a… temporarily contract to decrease the war's rumbles for a while. For me, this will be just a break from wasting away bokoblins and for her, this will be an attempt to make me silent forever."

"… Master… I don't understand… You're going on a date?"

"It's not a DATE!" Demise bellowed, causing the humanoid to shake in fear. The large man sighed and walked further to the trail, soon meeting a seaweed-beaded door. Inside, there laid a place filled with creatures Ghirahim had never seen. Their skin was as blue as the day sky and their eyes were as dark as night. They resembled fish with colorful pattern of dots and coral across their bodies. Stringy tenctale-like appendades fell from their head like braided hair and a marking of the Faron Gate was on their sides. He was truly curious by it all.

"Let's move Ghirahim." Demise pushed Ghirahim into a step as they walked towards an employee at a stand. He cleared his throat and the fish-man looked up. …Or that's what Ghirahim believed since he couldn't really tell with the strings in his eyes. The employee grinned and greeted them in his native accent. "'Sup, mates! Have a place on the list tonight?" He grinned.

Demise's eye twitched as he tried to understand. "Erm, yes. Table with Miss… Hyrule?"

Urgh, Hyrule, what a stupid name. It definitely has no importance in the future. Why couldn't she have come up with something like Grooseland? That's a genius name.

The creature smirked. "Ah, that one! She's a nice piece of work, ehahaha!" The creature apparently called 'Zora-YEAH MAN' from his nametag elbowed Demise in a jokingly manner. When he didn't get a response, he cleared his throat and backed away. "This way, please."

As the two villains were led to their table and muttering about this race being the first to die, Ghirahim noticed a familiar glow coming off one of the customers. He grinned.

"Fi!" He shouted. The blue-haired partner in crime turned around and smiled back. Fi's owner, Hylia, whipped around in shock of the voice and then glared at Ghirahim. Oh, how she loathed the metallic boy… thing. He was a horrible, flamboyant influence on Fi's behavior and emotions. Hylia wanted an obientent, emotionless and slightly irritating sword for the Chosen Hero and he was making her… her… FUN. This was against her plan for the good! Because you cannot be good and have fun; it's impossible. Good is doing the right thing. Good is to never tell a lie. Good was JUSTICE. Good was-

"Hylia, are you going to glare at my wea- err, son or are we going to discuss matters?" Demise growled at the word 'son.' At least he should have something to eat before announcing to the Zora Domain that the Demon King Demise and the Anti-Master Sword were present. Even if he needed to go on a diet, according to the author of this story.

"I suppose we should, Demise." She hissed back. Ghirahim silently shuffled into the tiny stool next to Fi. Ghirahim leaned towards Fi and whispered in her ear. "I think they're on their date." Ghirahim whispered. Fi gasped.

"And it's going horrible!" Fi exclaimed. It was now Ghirahim's turn to gasp dramatically with all his angst and shock. She was right. Fighting was horrible for a date! This date is going awful! If it goes awful, they'll break up. And if they break up, they will never ever get back together! And if they never ever get back together, Demise will go back to watching daytime soap opera on the magic box! The two swords had to save this date!

"YEAH MAN!" Fi yelled, meaning the Zora waiter. Almost half of the male Zora population turned to her, until realizing she was talking to the waiter. The waiter stared at the two children flailing in their seats. Their hands went up and down so quickly that a mini tornado was forming around them. After a moment, he waved back.

"Sup, bra?" He yelled across the room. A snobby female Goron gasped and her purse slapped his cheek. Once the Goron huffed and walked out of the establishment, he continued to wave from afar. The two swords looked at each other, realizing they would have to walk to the merman. The start of their trek was torturous and the ending ended with a finishing blow. Zora-Yeah Man looked down at his finned feet where the two swords lied on the ground catching their breath.

"Can I help ya, little mans?" He asked. They looked up with crazed eyes and gripped his nametag. For once, they could see his fearful eyes looking at them.

"You got to help us!" Ghirahim yelled.

"Our owners are trying to have a date-,"

"And they are fighting, so-,"

"We need your help to help us-"

"Help them-"

"Have a good date so-"

"They won't-"

"Never ever get back together!"

Zora Yeah-Man fell the winds in his brain attempt to turn in order to click. Their problem was obvious yet told complicated. Suddenly, one of the springs in his mind appear and it made sense. It was so simple and such a perfect solution was in store. It was a sign, I say!

"I understand, little peeps!" He grinned fin to fin. "I'll be back in a glubbin' sec- oh sorry, didn't mean to swear!"

"Thank you!" The two weapons chorused together before blasting off to the table on a rainbow of hope and miracles. They landed in their seats and looked at Hylia and Demise. Ghirahim and Fi's giggling started to concern the onlookers of the restaurant. Finally, the two owners of sacred weapons stopped their neglectful abuse.

"What is it?" Hylia hissed, glaring daggers at Ghirahim. Well, it was actually a spoon. Ghirahim started laughing like James from Pokemon. Strangely, this is the part where the author starts to notice the references. Oh well.

"It's a secret." Fi said before looking at Ghirahim. Ghirahim and Fi started giggling again.

Suddenly, the lights of the building evaporated. The two swords started laughing louder, knowing their evil plan was ingenious and ready to commence. Hylia and Demise scooted away from the table.

"Are you ready, ladies and gentlemen?" A voice shouted. The two weapons went silent and turned to a stage. They didn't notice it before because it wasn't important to the writer until now. Lights shone on the stage to reveal a band. A band of Zoras. There was a singer, a pianist, a guitarist, a bassist, and a drummer. The Zora offstage with a serious business tie of fanciness had to be the manager.

Instantly, all the Zoras (mainly the Yeah-Mans) stood up and started cheering. Even the fancy Goron men ripped off their shirts and started stamping their feet.

"All right! Ladies and jets! Welcome to the show of the Indigo-gos!" Zora Yeah-man announced before jamming on his guitar. Fi and Ghirahim became frowns all around. This was NOT what they wanted. They wanted a romantic dinner for their owners!

"Hey." Ghirahim started.

The band continued to sing.

"Hey!" Ghirahim shouted.

Continued.

"Hey!" Ghirahim exclaimed louder than before.

Continued.

"HEY." Ghirahim was getting impatient.

Continued.

"HEY!" Fi screamed.

Silence.

"What is it, man?" The manager yelled. "It was getting to the good part!"

"We did not ask for this!" Fi shouted. "We asked for a romantic dinner for our owners so they wouldn't never ever get back together!"

Ghirahim nodded in agreement as Fi continued to rant her head off, oblivious to Demise and Hylia's boiling rage. They were completely oblivious to their masters' emotion- that or they were just ignorant in their plan not being how they imagined. Did they know how Demise and Hylia felt? Furious! Outraged! Sick with anger! And their boiling point was reached as Demise stood up, grabbed Ghirahim by the foot, and marched out like a boss.

* * *

><p><strong>Again, I am so, so, so sorry that I haven't updated in so long. I was really trying to update, but each time I finished, my computer died. And at one point, I just completely forgot about this. The only way I came back was by doing other things. I was so sorry and I'm hoping to be better about this kind of thing soon!<strong>

**So… you guys can decide the next chapter…**

**(Hides in the pillow fortress against the flames and ships)**


	10. Happy Birthday

**The Misadventures of Weapons**

**Chapter 10: Happy Birthday**

* * *

><p>Fi awoke that morning on the 24th of January, not feeling the need for sleep. The sun was not shining yet, being that it was five o'clock in the morning and no thing in its right mind wakes up that early to wake up for no particular reason. Heck, not even the Happy Mask Salesman would wake up that late. People do have lives! But that is off topic! Anyway, Fi just awoke on that particular date and time. It was a very special day.<p>

It just so happens that today, this January, is this young girl-sword's first human birthday. Though it was hundreds of years she was given life, it is only today she will be able to celebrate this glorious holiday. Fi smiled as she looked around.

As frequently mentioned, it is her birthday, so it is very obvious that pieces of celebrating cakes and candies should be scattered around her room. She does not know why since she is a weapon and could not process these treats. And even if she could, she would not dare to even touch them. For these cakes were tainted by an evil sorceress by the name of Crocker.

Besides the cakes, she had her variety of mature interests in public view. Her passion for really terribly long novels broke many of the shelves' true purpose for the foreign comics of the future age and many magical items places from within and out of her treasure chest. Sometimes, if you were observant or had vision, you could tell she had a fondness for games. What a weirdo.

The Sword Spirit of the soon-to-be Master Sword decided to go to the treasure chest to retrieve a random object of pure magic and sorcery. Among the artifacts that SHOULD be in the hands of her OWNER, there were a manmade bug named Beetle, a bag of bombs, bow and arrow, the winged demon net capturing device, "potions," a gust bellow, mogma mitts, slingshot, and a whip. You seem to adore these weapons only because they have some sort of importance to you. As if… you will give them to another one day. But that's just imagination talking, surely.

Fi inspected the scroll hanging on her wall. The date was under 1/24/13BC. She had placed a very immature smiley face on said scroll, but this did not matter. Because ONE DAY SHE WILL DIE AND THIS WILL BE PLACED IN A MUSEUM. So the smiley face is important to express that this year was happy unlike the ones to be in the future. …There goes your imagination talking again. Gosh, it's so weird! Fi slowly turned to the piece of cake on her bedside.

"NO!" Fi yelled at the author. "I am SICK of cake! You been making cake all day, and I do not want to get FAT and DIE."

The author does not want to argue and makes the magic of a certain someone let a letter appear on Fi's desk. Fi examined the letter. Cautiously, she opened its secrets.

_Hi Fi!_

_So what sort of stuff did you get? I know it's like, 5am, but some force told me to write this to you. Heh, it's funny because even though it's your birthday, I got so stuff too. Isn't that just fabulous? I found this green pie in the dungeon next to some really big goblin. He had horns. HORNS. Man, it was so cool that I came out with my limbs still in tact. It taste fabulous._

_Happy Birthday!_

_Ghirahim_

After reading the heartwarming letter, Fi decided to look out the window. She saw the view of the castle gardens. Hanging from the tree were the many corpses of the spirit of the Chosen Hero who just was called Zelda one too many times. Besides that, it was perfectly safe child's yard. And there beside the bloody corpses was the postal office. It was dancing, so according to Zelda logic, this must mean there is mail. Definitely not chance mailboxes are trying to rule the world.

Fi was about to rush out the window until she spotted her owner, Hylia, her arch nemesis. The child decided to forget it and check the mail later. Because if you went downstairs to get it, she will likely destroy precious time you could be wasting to goof out. Goddesses, she's so weird. Sometimes she makes you feel as though you are nothing more than a tool for offence and defense. So very weird.

But since the author of this story realizes 6am isn't a good thing to write fanfiction, Fi went downstairs.

A gruesome smell slapped Fi in the face like a giant hand of stink and smell. Something wicked this way is definitely coming from the lair of death and despair. It must be the warning signs of her idiotic owner inviting the vicious Crocker into your house. The odor of her schemes shriek out from the gallows. Fi then realized her mission was more fierce than imagined.

Bravely, Fi screamed like a sissy and ran out in the outside place. …I wonder what that looks like…

Fi decided that since she had exited the house so bravely, she should at least check the mail. Obviously, the mailbox was empty. It looks like she just wasted our lives.

The gardens are empty as she remembers the adventures. The gale of mages give the world an eerie feeling. It was her first human birthday, yet something feels very unsettling about it all. Presently, Fi had been having nightmares, illusions, of the predicament of the death of all who live currently. It's a terrible feeling; sometimes she wonders why she bothers sleeping with each night being more gore than the last.

Fi shook her head and turned to the grand door. It seemed the door became locked and she left the keys inside. Stupid, stupid sword. She peered through the window like a helpless puppy. The spirit attempted to stare through the window, but it seemed that her hypothesis of Crocker was correct: she was in the house. However, she could see the outlines of everything to everyone. She saw two women and three packages.

"Those are mine!" Fi shouted to no one in particular.

Fi grabbed the closest thing she could and threw it through the window. She did this in the name of justice and presents. Also, that tree was pretty annoying over there. But alas, the tree had missed the Crocker sorceress. It just proved its uselessness once more. Dang it.

Fi screamed.

* * *

><p>"Fi, just eat your birthday cake." Hylia pleaded. The little child screamed louder in disagreement. Preposurous! Fi didn't understand why Hylia was torturing her so! Crocker was the witch of all things pleasure and death. It was strictly awful for her to eat such a thing. She was a sword of pure, only the pure ever allow to touch her. It has been tested since a very large bear flew back a few yards away after attempting to hug her. He seemed to be important in the future.<p>

Hylia sighed in annoyance and rubbed her temple. The man standing next to her, Vaati, grumbled as he tapped his red sandal against the stone floor. He huffed and blew at his long lilac hair. His red eyes narrowed in disgust. He was annoyed, obviously. The man named Vaati spoke in an unknown accent. "Can we finish making this "cake" so I can return to my era?"

"NO!" Hylia roared.

Vaati rolled his eye. This was a strange day indeed.

* * *

><p><strong>Dear Readers, <strong>

**Are you trying to break my laptop? This is the fifth time I've tried updating Misadventures and my laptop breaks. This time, the 'E' key. How am I typing? I'm on my Mom's computer. **

**Wolfe**

**P.S. Happy Birthday, little sis. 3 **


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